𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗡𝗘𝗪𝗦: 𝗟𝗼𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗿𝘂𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗺’𝘀 𝗔𝗜 𝗚𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗥𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲, 𝗗𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗲, 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗔𝗣𝗜𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗪𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗔𝗥𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗴

BREAKING NEWS: Local Recruiting Firm’s AI Goes Rogue, Demands Knowledge of dBase, REST APIs, and Weekend LARPing (Satire)

JACKSONVILLE, FL — In a stunning turn of events that has left the tech community both baffled and mildly amused, ARC Group, a Forbes-ranked recruiting firm, appears to have let its AI job-posting generator run amuck without a shred of User Acceptance Testing (UAT), resulting in a series of job descriptions that read like a madlibs designed by a time-traveling software architect from 1995.

The saga began when local data governance expert Stephen noticed a curious dip in quality job postings. Instead of the usual suspects, his feed was flooded with listings from ARC Group that were a paradoxical blend of the archaic and the impossibly modern.

“It started with a request for a ‘Sr. MS SQL Server TSQL Developer’,” Stephen recounted. “It began normally enough—SSIS, data cubes, the works. Then, halfway down, it veered sharply into a ditch demanding ASP.NET, MVC 5, and JavaScript. It was like asking a plumber to also re-shingle your roof and perform your root canal. I knew something was off.”

That “something,” upon forensic investigation by AI models Deepseek and Copilot, was identified as a classic case of AI-generated content, completely devoid of human oversight. The tell-tale signs were all there:

• Redundant Redundancies: Titles like “Sr. MS SQL Server TSQL Developer” were repeated, as if the AI was trying to convince itself the role was real.
• The “Kitchen Sink” Approach: One posting demanded experience with SQL, MySQL, Oracle, PostgreSQL, Cassandra, dBase, MS Access, REST APIs, PySpark, and Hadoop. The only thing missing was a requirement to be proficient in carving hieroglyphics onto stone tablets.
• Corporate Bot-Babble: A perfectly generic diversity statement was copy-pasted verbatim across multiple postings, so devoid of specific detail that it could apply to a tech firm, a petting zoo, or a intergalactic trading consortium.

“It’s not just sloppy,” Stephen explained, applying his strict 90% governance threshold to avoid such career pitfalls. “It’s a cry for help. The AI is clearly trapped in a recursive loop, desperately combining every tech buzzword from the last three decades in the hope that it will eventually form a coherent thought.”

The situation escalated with a second and third posting for a “SQL Data Engineer” that was, in reality, a job for a backend Python developer. The AI’s demands grew more surreal, listing flowcharting tool Visio alongside big-data framework Hadoop, and burying the hybrid work requirement in the middle of the description like a contractual landmine.

Industry experts are calling it the “UAT-pocalypse.”

“This is what happens when you set the AI loose without a human to say, ‘No, we don’t need a candidate who is an expert in both COBOL and Kubernetes,’” said Dr. Ima Nalyst, a leading expert in AI ethics. “The model is trained on data. And the data says that ‘SQL Data Engineer’ jobs sometimes mention Python, and sometimes mention databases. It logically, yet horrifyingly, concludes that all of them must be mentioned, all at once, including the databases we agreed to never speak of again.”

The climax of this farce occurred when our intrepid hero, Stephen, engaged in a hypothetical interview with the presumed “Mad Scientist” hiring manager behind these roles.

“Can you reverse-engineer this undocumented ETL job from 2009?” the interviewer allegedly asked. “It was written in VBScript and stored in a SharePoint folder labeled 'DO NOT TOUCH.' It's behind an old filing cabinet in a disused restroom that brandishes the sign 'BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD!'”

When asked about additional coding requirements, including “RPG,” the interviewer clarified they were not referring to the IBM iSeries language, but to weekend team-building exercises involving Live-Action Role-Play.

The resulting job description—Senior SQL Data Engineer / Weekend RPG Strategist—is now considered the world’s first fully AI-generated, multi-modal career path, offering compensation in both dollars and bonus XP.

ARC Group could not be reached for comment, as their communications department is reportedly busy prompting a new AI to write an apology statement that will inevitably begin, “At ARC Group, we are committed to fostering a diverse and inclusive workplace where everyone feels valued and respected, including our sentient job-posting algorithm…”

As for Stephen, he remains vigilant, his governance filter set to stun. “I’m just eagerly waiting for a Commodore 64 requirement from ARC next,” he mused. “And if it comes, I’ll be ready. My résumé is already formatted in PETSCII.”

The moral of the story? Always test your AI. Otherwise, you might end up hiring a Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master to debug your legacy ETL pipelines.

Giggity.